Tower of the Firstborn (1998)
It seems fitting that this DVD should be the first to be featured in this blog. This review is the firstborn for Mystic Movie Reviews… and this incredible movie, Tower of the Firstborn
, was so bad it will always set a standard for the worst of the worst in cinematography. Incredible - because few would believe what we just sat through for three hours and ten minutes. Yes, you read that right. Over THREE HOURS of terrible directing and horrible acting.
The movie bordered on comedy with stilted dialog and an airplane used as a desert-boat with a French flag being used as a sail. Kissing scenes that were beyond silly plagued the production, which, by the way, was a product of Italy. I’m not sure what the director had in mind here. Maybe I just don’t understand what Italian movie viewers want, but three hours and ten minutes of this? We honestly were concerned that perhaps the movie would never end and that we’d been eternally consigned to bad-movie-hell. The laughter kept me awake… as well as a bit of trepidation as the movie dragged on and on and on.
But enough of this … I’ve got to tell you a bit about the plot.
In 1919 during the Franco-Turkish war, two brothers shared the dream of finding a Middle Eastern relic called the Tower of the Firstborn. Arabian legends told that the tower contained something that would turn the desert into a paradise of greenery, as it had been in ancient times.
The brothers, John Shannon (Peter Weller) and Michael Shannon (Ben Cross), both loved the same woman, Elizabeth, who by this time is dead. Michael was deeply in love with her but he frightened her, so she married John. Passionate enmity raging from Michael toward John permeated the entire film. Michael, who had re-named himself Zadik, made an unrelenting, black-hearted, black-clothed villain one wouldn’t want to be anywhere near unless you were the kind and steadfast brother John who never gave up on the concept of brotherly love.
Meanwhile an Arabian seeker found the huge golden door to the mysterious tower. He told his beautiful daughter, Adriel, to wait for him as he rushed in only to be confronted with a light so bright it blinded him. They retreated, and when the father was killed, Adriel tried to run for safety but fell and developed amnesia. At this time we’re also introduced to the handsome Arabian prince, Rashid, The Lion of the Desert, who is in love with Dr. Diane Shannon, the daughter of John and Elizabeth. Diane is an archeologist whose side-kick is an outrageously clumsy Irish physicist named Neil Hogan.
Anyhow, all these people get together on the desert and cause a lot of havoc in each others’ lives until finally someone gets into the Tower of the Firstborn to discover the secrets. The ending was a big let-down. You expect to see something amazing happen, but suddenly that’s over before it begins and you’re left wondering why.
Every bad movie must have some good in it too. In Tower of the Firstborn, some of the scenery was breathtakingly beautiful. The Arabian horses were also worth seeing. Some of the actors were attractive and some even did a good bit of acting.
I noticed a few anomalies. First, when Adriel married a French soldier named Leon, the wedding rings were put on the right-hand ring fingers. Was the film backward? Do people in Italy use their right hands for their wedding rings? I just don’t know. Second, when Diane Shannon and Neil Hogan were being controlled and guarded by a Shiek’s evil Arabian servant, they plotted to hit the guard over the head with a log. But the ‘log’ Neil brought out from behind his back was only a short, thick stick. Definitely not big enough to injure the guard who was a brute with a big ugly knife in his belt and a few guns. I think the translator got the word wrong.
Honestly, I never thought I’d ever ream a movie this badly and my cheeks are burning with shame for having such negative thoughts about the creative effort of some normally talented people. I don’t know what went wrong this time but it was pretty weird. I’m putting Tower of the Firstborn into the “Wretched” category… and will also classify it as a “Shoot-em-up” because so many people got shot, beaten, stabbed, or simply maimed.
Tower of the Firstborn at Amazon
Tower of the Firstborn at Netflix
Filed under: Shoot-em-ups, Wretched — Tags: dvd, movie, Tower of the Firstborn — Mystique @ 12:55 pm Comments (0)
It seems fitting that this DVD should be the first to be featured in this blog. This review is the firstborn for Mystic Movie Reviews… and this incredible movie, Tower of the Firstborn
The movie bordered on comedy with stilted dialog and an airplane used as a desert-boat with a French flag being used as a sail. Kissing scenes that were beyond silly plagued the production, which, by the way, was a product of Italy. I’m not sure what the director had in mind here. Maybe I just don’t understand what Italian movie viewers want, but three hours and ten minutes of this? We honestly were concerned that perhaps the movie would never end and that we’d been eternally consigned to bad-movie-hell. The laughter kept me awake… as well as a bit of trepidation as the movie dragged on and on and on.
But enough of this … I’ve got to tell you a bit about the plot.
In 1919 during the Franco-Turkish war, two brothers shared the dream of finding a Middle Eastern relic called the Tower of the Firstborn. Arabian legends told that the tower contained something that would turn the desert into a paradise of greenery, as it had been in ancient times.
The brothers, John Shannon (Peter Weller) and Michael Shannon (Ben Cross), both loved the same woman, Elizabeth, who by this time is dead. Michael was deeply in love with her but he frightened her, so she married John. Passionate enmity raging from Michael toward John permeated the entire film. Michael, who had re-named himself Zadik, made an unrelenting, black-hearted, black-clothed villain one wouldn’t want to be anywhere near unless you were the kind and steadfast brother John who never gave up on the concept of brotherly love.
Meanwhile an Arabian seeker found the huge golden door to the mysterious tower. He told his beautiful daughter, Adriel, to wait for him as he rushed in only to be confronted with a light so bright it blinded him. They retreated, and when the father was killed, Adriel tried to run for safety but fell and developed amnesia. At this time we’re also introduced to the handsome Arabian prince, Rashid, The Lion of the Desert, who is in love with Dr. Diane Shannon, the daughter of John and Elizabeth. Diane is an archeologist whose side-kick is an outrageously clumsy Irish physicist named Neil Hogan.
Anyhow, all these people get together on the desert and cause a lot of havoc in each others’ lives until finally someone gets into the Tower of the Firstborn to discover the secrets. The ending was a big let-down. You expect to see something amazing happen, but suddenly that’s over before it begins and you’re left wondering why.
Every bad movie must have some good in it too. In Tower of the Firstborn, some of the scenery was breathtakingly beautiful. The Arabian horses were also worth seeing. Some of the actors were attractive and some even did a good bit of acting.
I noticed a few anomalies. First, when Adriel married a French soldier named Leon, the wedding rings were put on the right-hand ring fingers. Was the film backward? Do people in Italy use their right hands for their wedding rings? I just don’t know. Second, when Diane Shannon and Neil Hogan were being controlled and guarded by a Shiek’s evil Arabian servant, they plotted to hit the guard over the head with a log. But the ‘log’ Neil brought out from behind his back was only a short, thick stick. Definitely not big enough to injure the guard who was a brute with a big ugly knife in his belt and a few guns. I think the translator got the word wrong.
Honestly, I never thought I’d ever ream a movie this badly and my cheeks are burning with shame for having such negative thoughts about the creative effort of some normally talented people. I don’t know what went wrong this time but it was pretty weird. I’m putting Tower of the Firstborn into the “Wretched” category… and will also classify it as a “Shoot-em-up” because so many people got shot, beaten, stabbed, or simply maimed.
Tower of the Firstborn at Amazon
Tower of the Firstborn at Netflix
